For years I’ve heard laypeople and experts alike use the idea that people bring “baggage into a relationship.” Then the mentor, counselor, or therapist would have you identify the “baggage.” Well, I have concluded that baggage is something you carry to the airport. And that baggage has a cost ….. $25 to $50 a piece. Checking in baggage is not free. It costs you something.
We do not bring baggage into a relationship. We bring wounds into a relationship. The wounds of someone who betrayed us, the wounds of unresolved conflicts in us and with others, the wounds of unforgiveness in our heart. We pay a price for those wounds — not them. We do. We allow anger to mask our hurt, fear, and despair. We let wounds isolate us not only from others, but from our true self. When we journey through life with a lot of wounds, people only get a remnant of who we really are. We are denying ourselves and others the opportunity to experience our fully developed self.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32
Forgiveness is a conscious choice. “Get rid of” is an action we need to take. Sometimes it is immediate, and sometimes it is a process. We make a choice to forgive so our wounds can begin to heal. Sometimes we feel the healing immediately; other times it is a process. Eventually, if we do the work, the wounds turn into scars. The scar is there to remind us that next time we will make a different choice: we will be wiser about our relationships, we will be kinder to ourselves, we will choose not to enter into that destructive zone.
But what if I let go of the pain and all I have left is emptiness? That emptiness can be filled with joy, peace, and love. Those are the healing agents that turn that wound into a scar. You can get joy, peace, and love by receiving it from the God who loves you; from being good to yourself; and by reaching out to others. Stop focusing on yourself, your “baggage;’ release that pain to the God who loves you, and start focusing on what you can do today to impact the life of another person. Those wounds will begin to heal, and all you will have left is a itty bitty scar.
Cindy and David Southworth are marriage and relationship coaches, certified through the American Assn of Christian Counselors and members of the International Christian Coaching Assn. Cindy is a John Maxwell certified speaker, trainer, and coach. They are the owners of Breakwater Coaching. You can visit their website at www.breakwatercoaching.com