As a relationship coach, I often hear the question: “Why is this happening to ME? Many times a person wonders why their spouse left, why their child has an illness, or why they were violated as a child. They often feel like they did something wrong, or even still, could have prevented it. It is not easy to overcome that blind spot that keeps them from receiving the goodness and grace that God has for them.
Jesus said: “Neither this man nor his parents sinned (referring to the blind man) but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” (John 9:3). Perhaps you didn’t do anything. Possibly God wants to use your pain to help others. Probably God will use your pain to help others as soon as you accept that bad things happen. People don’t always choose the path God has for them, and bad things result. Others get hurt. God wants to use that hurt, your hurt, to continue His work – the work of healing and helping others to overcome their hurt and pain.
Why did I go through two divorces within a five-year period when I didn’t ask for them? I was not perfect and certainly I contributed to the failing relationships, but the worst pain came when I tried to hold it together and it still failed. Why did that happen when I was giving it my best, and believing by faith that relationships can be healed? It is because others have free will, and sometimes they choose a different path. God tells us that these things happen so that HIS WORK might be displayed in our lives. I am confident that had I not gone through those painful experiences and done the work necessary to be whole again, God could not use me to help those couples today who are experiencing relational hurt and pain. He could not use me to help those who are stuck in their misery. He could not use me to help others see how their conflicts are hurting their children. He could not use me to help others consider choices that will reap the benefits of a rewarding marriage. He could not use me to help women move past the pain of abuse, and walk in dignity.
John Maxwell teaches us that it is not experience that is the best teacher, but rather, experience with AWARENESS that is the best teacher. We must take time to learn from our mistakes, allow God to heal our heart, and it is that healing that is displayed in our lives that continues His work here on earth. Don’t waste your experience. Don’t allow bitterness and resentment to enter into your being. Let God heal your heart so you can be effective in His Kingdom. Allow your heart to love others. That is God’s love shining in you
Cindy and David Southworth are certified marriage and relationship coaches through the American Assn of Christian Counselors and members of the International Christian Coaching Assn. Cindy is a John Maxwell certified speaker, trainer, and coach. They are the owners of Breakwater Coaching. You can visit their website at www.breakwatercoaching.com.