In John Maxwell’s book, Failing Forward, he gives us a way to change our thinking patterns about failure. Let’s apply these to our most precious relationship, our marriage:
1. Examine your expectations for that area. First write down the expectations you have for your marriage. Are you being realistic? Are you allowing for mistakes to be made, or are you seeking perfection? Are you expecting more from your spouse than you are willing to give? It might be helpful to look at your list and make adjustments. Focus on your expectations of yourself in the marriage.
2. Find new ways to do your work. In this instance, we are thinking about our marriage. Explore new approaches to connecting with your spouse. Make a list, and focus on opportunities to exercise them. Journal your successes.
3. Focus on your strengths. What strengths have you brought into the relationship? Maximize your efforts at contributing your best self. It is better to focus on what you are giving rather than what you are (or aren’t) getting.
4. Vow to bounce back. When a baby first learns to walk, they spend more time picking themselves up off the floor than they do walking. This same suggestion can be applied to our marriage. It takes effort to resurrect a stagnant relationship. Keep picking yourself up and move forward. One day soon you will look back and remind yourself how far you have come – together.
5. Finally, if you need help with this process, let Breakwater Coaching help you. We have great success with helping couples revive their marriages. It is not a one-time do-over; it is a process, and you don’t have to do it alone. Email us at breakwatercoaching@aol.com and we will be happy to help you through the process.
Cindy and David Southworth are marriage and relationship coaches, certified through the American Assn of Christian Counselors and members of the International Christian Coaching Assn. Cindy is a John Maxwell certified speaker, trainer, and coach. They are the owners of Breakwater Coaching. You can visit their website at www.breakwatercoaching.com.